A little too close for comfort!

To the older man who decided to pretty much sit on my lap in the doctor's office waiting room the other day, even though there were plenty of other spots open, I owe you no explanation.  When I got up to leave and sarcastically said, "Alrighty then, I guess I will just sit in one of these empty spots", you felt it necessary to admonish me, telling me,"I didn't have to leave".  You are so lucky all you got was "my" look and not what was on my mind; my daughter was with me after all. Although in retrospect, maybe because she was with me, I should have told you exactly what I really thought. But I owe you nothing old man.  I don't owe you an explanation and I certainly did not have to sit there uncomfortably because moving wouldn't be polite.  Too many girls and women are forced to endure situations that are uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous for them because we are expected to be polite. 

Maybe you didn't realize you were sitting too close for comfort.  If you didn't, I suspect that would somewhat be due to the fact that you have probably gone your entire life doing whatever the hell you wanted because you could count on other people being polite.  Maybe you just didn't care; either way, not my problem.  

So whether you are needlessly (because nobody's dick is that big) stuck next to a manspreader on the subway, or being catcalled (which let's be honest is just a euphemism for sexual harassment) or experiencing one of the other never ending uncomfortable moments that so many girls and women go through on a daily basis...trust your gut, listen to your Spidey sense; go ahead... get up and leave, give a dirty look, be sarcastic, tell them to fuck off, accidentally spill that coffee, but don't feel that you need to explain or be polite about it.  

July 2014,  EVENTS:

July 12, 2014 http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/

Please help defeat Motion 312!

Passing this on: URGENT - Please help defeat Motion 312!


 Journalist Chantal Hébert thinks that the September 26 vote on the motion
 will be tight: Although we believe the votes are not really there to
 support it, it’s crucial that all pro-choice MPs actually show up to vote, because the anti-choice MPs will! Here's a list of things you can do to help ensure enough No votes against
 Motion 312 on Se
 p 26:
 1. Target NDP and Liberal party leaders and ask them to ensure their entire
 caucus is there to vote because the vote might be close. (Thomas Mulcair:
 thomas.mulcair@parl.gc.ca , Bob Rae: bob.rae@parl.gc.ca ).
 2. Email pro-choice MPs to remind them of the vote on Sep 26 and the
 importance of being there to vote No.
 3. Ask Harper (stephen.harper@parl.gc.ca ) to remind his Cabinet and caucus
 to vote against the motion, and recommend that he discipline any Cabinet
 member who defies his order.
 4. Ask Conservative cabinet ministers to respect their leader's wishes.
 5. Continue targeting anti-choice and 'unknown stance' MPs to oppose the
 motion.
 Resources:
 - Email addresses of all MPs according to stance on abortion rights, ready
 to copy and paste into your To or Bcc box:
http://www.arcc-cdac.ca/action/email-list-mps.html (or do a search there to
 find and select individual ones)
 - Email addresses for Cabinet members and Ministers of State:
http://www.arcc-cdac.ca/action/email-list-mps.html#cab
 - Phone numbers of anti-choice and 'unknown stance' MPs:
http://www.arcc-cdac.ca/action/M-312-letter-anti-choice-MPs.html#anti
 - List of pro-choice MPs:
http://www.arcc-cdac.ca/action/prochoice-unknown-mps-2011.html
 - Phone numbers of pro-choice MPs (look up individually):
http://www.parl.gc.ca/membersofparliament/MainMPsCompleteList.aspx?Language
 E&TimePeriod=Current
 - Party affiliation and ridings for all MPs:
http://www.parl.gc.ca/membersofparliament/MainMPsCompleteList.aspx?Language
 E&TimePeriod=Current
 - More info on Motion 312 and actions you can take:
http://www.arcc-cdac.ca/m312.html


http://www.thespec.com/opinion/editorial/article/799733--harper-must-deftly

To the Rink Goddesses I know and love.

Well hockey season is over.  I’m specifically talking about girl’s hockey because that is my world, apparently boys play too?  Who knew?

As the season comes to an end, not quickly enough for some and too soon for others, I find myself experiencing mixed emotions.  I will very much enjoy the precious hours of free time which during hockey season I have spent (mostly happily) either freezing my ass off in some arena or another, or driving to get to one.   On the other hand not only will I miss seeing my girls and their teams play and practice, but oh how I will miss seeing my family of moms on a regular basis, and don’t kid yourselves we are a family in every fun, intense, caring,  dysfunctional way that counts.  This is a sisterhood I didn’t know about.

I will very much miss spending time with this remarkable group of women and their awesome daughters (and sons), both on and off the ice.  I’ll miss the ones with big curls and even bigger personalities, the stars, the fighters, the gigglers, the quiet ones.  I will miss their smiles, their hugs and their warmth as they crawl up into your lap (the kids not the moms –well usually just the kids) in a cold arena while they watch their older sister play explaining to you why their favorite flavor is purple.   I will miss our hotel stays and all the craziness (the moms not the kids) we get into but that’s another blog all together. Mostly I will miss  their kind words and support for whatever madness that particular day may have brought with it, whether it had anything to do with hockey or not.  

In my life, I have been privileged to know some awe-inspiring, intelligent, generous and beautiful women.  These women have often been on the front lines of many important battles and I have been lucky enough to sometimes join them.   I feel honored that I get to add all of you marvelous women that I have gotten to know over the last few years  to that group of friends and acquaintances.  I know some people think, “Hockey moms?” Screaming crazed women climbing over bleachers to yell at a referee? Maybe…sometimes, but those are not the beautiful hockey moms I know and love, well not most of the time anyway…insert your favorite emoticon here.

The women I have met and gotten to know and admire have enriched my life in ways I can’t even explain, but it is a blog, so I’ll try.  They lead by example and have taught me how to be a good friend again. You know, in that organic sense, the kind of friend you were when you were a kid, when you hung out with someone just because you liked them and they made you happy.  Sometimes it seems that as we move on through the years busily planning our lives and more formally choosing those whom we associate with, you forget how to just be a good friend.  If I had a dollar for every time one of these fabulous women asked me, “If I needed any help?”  I would be a rich woman.  Having said that, I realize how very rich I in fact am for having met this spectacular bunch.  These women are there for you, they extend a hand whenever and wherever they can.  They have brought a whole new meaning to sisterhood for me, in a context I don’t think I thought of it in before and I thank them for it.   One exquisite soul even gives you a sandwich as you leave her house after dropping off your child because she knows you won’t have time to grab a bite as you continue on with your busy day! (I only offer wine as I’m a work in progress and truth be told not all that nice.)  Who does that?  Kick ass women who care about you, these are the  women I will miss so much over the summer.  It also doesn’t hurt that my girls like the odd cocktail...just saying.

These women get up at ridiculous hours in the morning to drive their kids and yours all over the place.   They cheer, and plan, they juggle budgets, jobs and schedules to an extent most people couldn’t imagine.  It really isn’t that easy to squeeze a holiday meal in between hockey tournaments.  A girl has definitely got to do some planning!

Tea and coffee infused, these Road Warrior Goddesses get their kids to the rink on time and look awesome doing it. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t actually bare our teeth at the opposition (well not always).  In fact I have met the opposition and I like her.  We see each other often, usually we smile and say, “hello” and “good game.”

So to all you smart, kind, friendly, generous, new drink creating (bananatini’s are truly fab), kid loving, make me laugh till I pee my pants funny, rocking the shit out of those CFM boots wearing, TIFF loving, believing everyone counts hockey moms…I can hardly wait to see you all next year.  See ya at the rink!

December 6th, 1989-Tears are not enough.

Two weeks ago I watched part of Polytechnique with my 12 year old daughter.  This is the third time I have watched the film and I was once again struck by how strongly the film and the memory of the events on Dec. 6, 1989 affect me. At various times, both my daughter and I had tears in our eyes. Mine because of the almost physical sadness and anger (I cry when I am angry...just an FYI to those that need to know.) I experience when remembering that night and so many other nights for so many women; painfully aware that possibly one day my own daughters may experience something so horrible, simply because of their gender.  My daughter’s possibly because she saw my tears and was afraid, but more likely she was struck by how terrified these young women, not much older than herself must have felt…I guess I should have asked her.

While watching, it also occurred to me how little young women know of these events.  My daughter knows the basics, she has been spoon fed the Montreal Massacre information just as I spoon feed her and her little sister chocolate cake every IWD.  First we eat chocolate cake...then we politicize.  I asked my daughter if they address the issue at school at all?  Apparently in past years the day has come and gone, maybe this year it will bear mention. 

As we watched the film, we went through the events of that tragic Dec 6th, now 22 years ago and I tried to answer each curious "Why?" the best I could.  Why did he separate the women from the men?  Why didn't anyone do anything? Is that a machine gun? What school?  Why is it filmed in black and white? And so on.  I was surprised how difficult it was to answer her questions and realized that it has been a long time since I have talked about... really talked about that night.  In fact, it has been a long time since I've talked, really talked about violence against women, particularly to my daughters.  I guess I just assumed that they would somehow know that their loud, brash, opinionated mother is like this as a response, her own way of dealing with the damaged, the abused, the silenced, the murdered...but perhaps they don't. Don't get me wrong, they know it's never their fault, not to keep secrets and they know to fight, to maime to get away at all costs; but I think I need to start the conversation again, first with myself and then with them.

So although angry, (that’s right angry not sad), I wasn’t really surprised this morning when I read my local paper and discovered that not one word was mentioned about the Montreal Massacre.   That although there was room for a story on how “Art collectors go bananas over monkey’s artwork”, there apparently wasn’t any space available to mention the 14 women that were killed on Dec. 6^th, 1989 by Marc Lépine at École Polytechnique.

Lepine was armed with a Ruger Mini-14 semi-automatic weapon, considered the poor man’s assault rifle which once the gun registry is scrapped will also be considered an unrestricted weapon.  It was the same weapon Norway shooter Anders Behring Breivik used when he killed 69 people this past summer...just sayin.

The death of women, so easy to forget, so common place, once the sound bite is gone so is the interest.  Women die daily at the hands of partners, loved ones, those who are supposed to protect them and perfect strangers.  Women are killed alone and in groups, at home and in public, during peace time and wars.  They are killed because they are feminists or because they brought perceived shame to their families or maybe just because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time or Native, such as many of the women who have gone missing (and almost nothing has been done about it)along the Highway of Tears in BC. 

 "First we mourn and then we work for change"

http://www.womenwontforget.org/

A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action Please

Although I am pleased that the Canadian Red Cross has finally stepped in to provide some temporary relief to the residents of the Attawapiskat First Nation, our government really needs to step up and do what is right here, hell do anything, do something, do their jobs!

The RNAO released a statement on the 23rd of Nov. advising that, "The living conditions some people in the northern Ontario community of Attawapiskat are being forced to endure are deplorable and dangerous to their health ."  

When their own grade school was closed down 12 years ago, it took a 13 year old girl, Shannen Koostachin, to launch an international campaign to try and shame the government into providing the children in Attawapiskat with the same quality of education that children who live in the South have.   In October they had to declare a State of Emergency because of their living conditions and only now is the government reacting, and that is probably because of public pressure a result of a Blog by MP Charles Angus that was in the Huffington Post. 

No running water, no indoor heating or plumbing facilities, a bucket, really?  What is it going to take, a child or an elder freezing to death?  Winter is going to be here soon and someone is going to die, either by actually freezing to death or in an attempt to stay warm with an unsafe fire! Would you accept your child or your parents living in these conditions? I would go mad with sadness and anger.

I know just writing about it won’t help.  I also know that this situation is not necessarily new or unique to Attawapiskat but rather something that many First Nation Communities face and have faced for far too long.  Having said that, now that the mainstream media have brought attention to this situation, even if only for a fleeting moment, we should take advantage of the coverage and spread the word as much as possible.  Blog about it, tweet about it, post about it, email about it, shout it from the rooftops so that as many Canadians as possible become aware of the appalling conditions the residents are forced to endure.  It is shameful! 

Contact the federal and provincial governments, and make them accountable instead of just pointing fingers at one another while nobody takes any responsibility and nothing is done.  Apparently Officials from the Aboriginal Affairs department will be in Attawapiskat early next week, at least this is what Minister John Duncan told the House of Commons on Friday.  Let’s hope it doesn’t  just end up being more finger pointing and something concrete will finally be done because unless you are camping for fun in the summer,  you shouldn't be forced to live in a tent.

The Right Honourable Stephen Harper
Prime Minister of Canada
Office of the Prime Minister                                               
80 Wellington Street
Ottawa, ON K1A 0A2                                              

The Honourable Dalton McGuinty
Premier of Ontario
Main Legislative Building
Queen’s Park, Room 281
Toronto, Ontario   M7A 1A1

You can find your MP here:
http://www.parl.gc.ca/parlinfo/compilations/houseofcommons/memberbypostalcode.aspx?menu=hoc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6abZ0LFT5CQ

http://www.rnao.org/Page.asp?PageID=122&ContentID=3623&SiteNodeID=390&BL_ExpandID

http://www.newswire.ca/en/story/883603/people-of-attawapiskat-and-other-first-nations-communities-deserve-better-nurses-ask-prime-minister-and-ontario-premier-to-intervene-in-housing-crisis

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/11/24/attawapiskat-reserve-housing-funding_n_1112145.html#undefined

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/politics/article/1092057--red-cross-steps-in-to-help-attawapiskat-as-queen-s-park-and-ottawa-bicker

Thank you to the Troublemakers

Troublemaker

Noun

A person who habitually makes trouble for others; esp., one who incites others to quarrel, rebel, etc.

As I was getting ready for work this morning I heard a reporter on one of the local Toronto morning news shows advise that most Occupy Toronto protesters where leaving St. James Park in Toronto peacefully but there were some "Troublemakers" refusing to leave.

Up until now I embarrassingly admit that I haven't given the actual protesters that much thought.  Their message has been unclear and it seemed (Not saying that this is actually the case, and even if it was, who cares?) that there were as many people just camping out as there were exercising their right to gather, protest and work for change. (Do not email me with the legalities of this, I really don’t give a shit).  This morning however, that term "Troublemaker" caught my attention. I had the same reaction I do when I bite into something cold sans Sensodyne, cringe, ouch... Troublemakers?  WTF does that mean? Why is there a negative connotation to that word, especially in this particular case?  Isn’t that what you have to be? What else could the protesters be but Troublemakers and Rebels?  Have you ever tried to fight an injustice nicely, politely, patiently?  How far did it get you?  Was justice served? Of course they are Troublemakers and thank goodness for them. 

Although I may not necessarily agree (I’m not sure exactly how I feel about this, I confess I switch back and forth regarding its efficacy), with occupying the park, and I wish they had a clearer message, if for no other reason than to shut up all the naysayers who constantly use their lack of a clear message as some type of proof of their incompetence, I want to thank the Troublemakers.  I want to thank them for doing what I am too busy, too tired, perhaps too cynical and jaded, possibly too scared to do. Thank you Troublemakers for standing up for what you believe in and reminding us we can and we should.

Are they lazy?  Are they hippies (say it isn’t so!)? Are they jobless, crazy radicals or social crusaders? I think they are a combination of many things and maybe some folks who have it harder than most so they seem a little angry.  Ok some of them seem a lot angry but there are individuals and families out there who have a lot to be angry about; you know, what they will feed their kids, where they will live, that kind of thing. If you are thinking to yourself right now, “how is that my problem”, you might as well stop reading.  In the end they are just fighting for people and those in power to acknowledge that the system isn’t working for many.  We need to keep in mind that that means different things to different people, for some it means no vacation this year, for others it could mean not being able to afford medicine for themselves or their children (hence that whole really angry thing).  I know it’s inconvenient and easy for me to say as I’m really not personally inconvenienced by this particular protest, but next time it may be a cause you give a shit about and you will be told to, “just move along.”

If you are a Troublemaker…if you have ever fought for Aboriginal rights, Women’s rights, fought against racism, sexism, homophobia, violence against women and children….if you have ever fought for the right to choose, the right to drink clean water, for human rights...thank you.